Views on Relationships

Since I have discussed being single and going from single to in a relationship, I found it fitting to talk about dating and being in a relationship. If you haven’t, go read Single Life of a Woman in Her 20s and Going From Always Being Single to In A Relationship. Those blogs summarize that I had been single for a very long time and recently started a new relationship with a man who is checking all my boxes. As a person who was alone all those years, I watched as friends and family started settling down. With nothing better to do, I started thinking of what I would want if I ever found myself in the position of being a girlfriend again.

 Everyone has different views on relationships. Some want the white-picket fence with a big house and kids, while others settle because they feel the pressure of society. Most date with the end goal of marrying the person they are dating, while others move from person to person, not knowing what they want. Growing up, I saw myself finding the love of my life, settling down close to home, and having some kids. I don’t know the exact moment that changed for me, but it did. Maybe it was when I was finding my own identity and started healing from my childhood trauma. I realized I couldn’t be the “perfect wife”, the one that always has a smile on her face. The one who is juggling a job, kids, and housework with no help from the husband that expects dinner on the table every night and sex when he wants it with no regard to her needs. So I stayed single because I knew I would either settle for a mediocre man or get my heart broken, so it was easier to be by myself. 

Along the way, I started making mental notes of things I would like in a future partner because that’s what I wanted: a partner. Not someone I needed to wait on hand or foot or someone I needed to act like their mother. We would share responsibilities and be invested in each other’s lives. Communication is very important to me, so it was necessary to have someone that could open up to me and someone I felt comfortable unloading my baggage. I’m a very emotional person and I wanted a man that was in touch with his emotions and would hold me as I cried, not one that would walk away and belittle me.  

With this list running through my head, I kept my guard up and tried not to be torn down by the world’s views on being a single woman. Like every other person, I was on dating apps and would go through the stages of getting rid of them, only to reinstall them. It’s a small miracle to even get asked on a date, but I did have a couple of them throughout the years. Also, I met a few candidates through social circles, but nothing would come of those. Most people stopped asking me if I was seeing anyone, but there were a few that would try to set me up with someone they knew or others telling me it was time to settle down. Even if I wasn’t in a relationship now, I’m still glad I stuck to what I wanted and stayed true to myself. 

I’ve mentioned it before, but I am still getting used to the idea of being in a relationship. Not only that but one that is everything I always wanted in one. I’m trying not to overthink things and just let it play out naturally. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the bad thing to happen that lets me know I’m better off alone. I’m trying to keep my guard up still, but the way that I feel when I’m with him makes me want to share everything with him. I guess I’ll just have to be patient and wait to see if this is forever or another life lesson.