Going From Always Being Single to In A Relationship

2014. Yes, 2014 was the last time I had a boyfriend. Until about a little over a month ago. To say my life has flipped upside down in a good way would be an understatement. I am learning how to be a girlfriend all over again. Since none of my past relationships worked out, I’m guessing I wasn’t so good at it years ago. So let’s take a peek inside my head and follow along as I dissect every emotion I have been feeling for the past few months. 

If you have been keeping up with my blog, you may have learned by now that I have a fierce opinion about being a strong, independent, grown-ass woman who doesn’t need a man. Now, here I am feeling downright giddy over a guy. I can already hear the word hypocrite ringing in my ears. In all those years of being single, I started to build up a wall that I thought no one would want to try to tear down. I had to learn to be content being alone, but I think I got so used to it, that I started to prefer it that way. You can imagine my surprise when my now boyfriend started checking all my boxes and showing no red flags. He made me want to open up to him and let my guard down, which scares the hell out of me. My man-hater alter ego is still buried deep in my subconscious, but right now, I am focused on being happy in this new phase of life. 

Although I hate this subject, let’s do some math! I am 27 years old, turning 28 in a month. If my last relationship was in 2014, how old was I then? Got your answer? Then, you have figured out I have not dated in my 20s thus far. Sure, I have gone on a few dates and been in the dreaded talking stage, but this is my first time in a relationship in this decade of my life. Trying to figure out how to be a girlfriend when the only repertoire you have to look back on is from your teenage years is not very damn helpful. It’s a whole new world in an adult relationship. So far, I feel like I’m doing a good job. I have worked on myself a lot since my teenage days so I can tell that I am handling situations differently than I did years ago. 

With adult relationships come adult problems. I won’t divulge the details since it’s not my place to share them, but let’s just say life comes full circle. We are having to be open with one another about our thoughts and anxieties. We had both been single for a while, so we are both learning how to be partners again. But there are times when I feel like a teenager again, being so wrapped up in each other that the rest of the world doesn’t matter. Being with him makes me feel like I’m at the ocean. I know a weird simile but stay with me. When I’m at the beach, that is when I feel the most at peace. I feel like anything is possible and that I am in a safe place. You could say Cupid got me good; this was published on Valentine’s Day after all. 

All of that being said, I still find myself saying “what the fuck?” a couple of times a day. You know the scene in How the Grinch Stole Christmas where he says, “Help me, I’m feeling”, I feel that. I’m a very emotional person, but I didn’t think I would ever end up in a relationship again, much less a happy and healthy one. But even with my thoughts all over the place, when I am with him, I am happy. I’ll keep getting used to this adjustment and come to terms with being in a relationship for the first time in eight years.