Why I Don’t Want to Have Children

Well, I’m sure the title alone will have people intrigued and raise some eyebrows. So let me get right into telling you my thoughts and feelings about how I can’t imagine becoming the thing that I was supposedly put on this planet to do. I kept thinking I would grow out of it. Sure, in my early 20s and being single; the last thing on my mind was becoming a mother. When you’re a little girl, that is what you look forward to: growing up, starting a family, and having it all. But here I am in my late 20s and in a new relationship and I’m still dead set on not having a baby. 

Since there are several reasons for my decision, I’ll share some of the main ones. My biological maternal parent has severe mental health issues that she so graciously passed down to me. Thankfully, I have not gone down the same path as her, but I still have to endure some mental health problems since it can be a biological trait. I don’t want to pass that down to someone that will have to go through the same problems that I had to go through and have to watch it happen, knowing they are going through this because of me. While we are on the topic of biological concerns, the woman who birthed me always made it a point to remind me how difficult it was to get pregnant with me and how excruciating labor was. If by some chance I do want to try to have a baby, what if I can’t? What if I have to jump through hoops to achieve something that happens accidentally for others? Obviously, I get that many people face this issue and still want to go through this hardship, but I don’t. 

Moving on, let’s discuss the family dynamic of children. I was a child of divorce, and a nasty divorce at that. I have also seen friends going through custody issues. Hypothetically,  I would like to think that the man I marry and the child(ren) I had would never have to go through that but to protect myself, I won’t bring one of those factors to fruition. 

Let’s end it with some of my inner thoughts as to why I don’t want kids. I don’t think I would be a good mom. You know how most women have motherly instincts, yeah, don’t think I got that passed down since the egg donor definitely shouldn’t have been a mother. I don’t want to try to spite her and end up just like her. I don’t want to lose myself to motherhood. I have worked hard to heal myself and try to become the best version of myself. It’s 2023 and the world is only getting crazier, which leads me to not want to have a baby.  And lastly, it’s freaking hard raising a kid! I know I’m stating the obvious, but I feel it is a legit reason to be against having children. Why is it such a big deal to be upfront with your shortcomings? I don’t want to be a horrible parent to a child and repeat the same cycle again and again and again. 

I will add some tidbits to close. I know that most parents deal with some or all of these things and have kids or choose to still have children. And that’s great for them. If that’s what they want, who am I to stop them? However, with all the concerns that I laid out, do you blame me for choosing to not have kids biologically? And there it is, the loophole, the redeeming quality to me stating the truth most people don’t want to hear. I don’t want to bring life into the world and be the sole person that little soul relies on. But, if that child is already here, I would try my best to be there for them. Whatever that may look like in the future, I can only hope I continue to become a better woman to be better for them. However, I think there is a bigger conversation to be had on why everyone cares so damn much about a woman having a baby because I bet for most of this blog post, some people thought I was selfish or I was wrong in my thoughts and feelings about becoming a parent. I don’t want to have a baby, and that shouldn’t concern anyone else since I am vocal about my stance on the matter. Long live the cool aunt, traveling the world, drinking wine at family gatherings, and bringing back gifts for my nieces and nephews.

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